Hate receiving compliments? Do you shrug a nice comment off when you probably deserve it?
If you do, these are the tell-tale signs of an important topic that I would like to address – self-sabotage. Why do we self-sabotage? Whether it’s in a physical sense or mental sense, there are no limits to how much damage you can do when you self-sabotage; it is the devil in your thoughts.
What exactly is self-sabotaging behavior?
Self-sabotage means to behave or act in such a way that prevents you from achieving your full potential. Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, ‘I look like crap today.’ That’s self-sabotage. It is limiting and destructive behavior can affect nearly every area of your life. Relationships with friends or partners, your career aspirations, or a personal goal such as weight loss are all impacted by self-sabotage.
In this post, I will help you identify why you might make decisions that prevent you from reaching your goals. I’ll describe ways you can defeat self-sabotage and finally and see your potential. In the end, you’ll wave goodbye to that self-sabotaging behavior once and for all.
Why we do it and how to stop
No one sets about their day with a goal of self-sabotaging their thoughts and action. Self-sabotaging is not a conscious choice or action. Yet we do, time and time again. Yet when we do, it usually stems from a lack of confidence in ourselves. It’s that nagging voice in the back of our heads that tells us ‘YOU CAN’T’ or ‘YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH,’ and none of that is true.
Sadly, self-sabotage is a prevalent trait, and let’s face it, us humans seem to prefer to point out our flaws than focus on our positives. This destructive behavior trait lowers our self-confidence and leaves us feeling a little trapped in our circumstances.
Lacking in self-worth and confidence
Many women like myself have gone through stages of lacking in self-worth. You might not feel like you are good enough, slim enough, attractive enough, etc. Our negative self-talk tends to rub off on how we present ourselves to the world. This repeated thinking can get you stuck in a circle of not being positive about yourself.
Solution
Practice positive affirmations, repeating lines such as ‘I am enough,’ or ‘ I am perfect as I am and unique.’ Learn to love yourself just as you are. There is only one of you; there are people out there that would give anything to have what you have. It took me a long time to be confident in my body and say ‘This is the package I come in’, and be happy with that.
You fear success
Success and achieving your dreams can be a scary thing sometimes. If you are on the path to your goal you might self-sabotage thinking you can’t make it that far, you might even question if you are good enough or if you are worth it.
Think about how this may apply to your weight loss or fitness goals. You’ve worked hard to lose 10 or 20 pounds, and now you feel great. People are commenting on how incredible you look. Even though you worked so hard, you might feel undeserving of those compliments, and even uncomfortable.
Solution
To understand why you fear success, you have to do some serious soul searching to find the root cause of that fear. Journaling is an excellent tool to help dig deep into your thought process and uncover those causes.
Pick up a pen and notebook and ask yourself these questions:
- What does success look like to you?
- What about success scares you?
- How are your fears limiting you?
Take your time, be honest with yourself, and let these questions sink is before answering them.
Remember, you are not the only one who’s ever feared success. Look at people you admire, people who you think have achieved great things. What sort of self-talk do you believe they have had?
A negative attitude
We adopt negative attitudes as part of a protection method, in the sense that if you expect the worst anyway, you can’t be disappointed. Do you find that you have already talked yourself out of something before you have even tried? Examples might be, ‘Oh, I won’t get an interview for that job’ or ‘what’s the point in trying?’ When we do fail, because we already told ourselves we would, the blame can be transferred to someone else.
Solution
Stop these negative thoughts in your tracks. You are a result of what you attract. Think negatively, and that is what you will attract. Think positive and positive will come your way. Do a little homework on the laws of attraction to alter your thought processes.
Constantly comparing yourself to others
Guess what. EVERYONE is comparing themselves to someone else. We don’t consciously choose to; there is an entire psychological thought process behind it called the ‘social comparison theory,’ developed by psychologist Leon Festinger in the mid-1950s. We determine our own social and personal worth based on how we stack up to others.
Comparing yourself to others is very destructive. It’s a surefire way to feel bad about yourself. No matter who you are in life, there is always someone more successful, with a bigger house, a firmer butt, a prettier face, etc., but you know what? It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing with their life.
Solution
The first thing is to understand what people, events, or circumstances are triggering the comparison thought process. Recognize that coveting what others have that you don’t is a waste of time, and time is precious. Don’t give that away. The second thing is to practice gratitude for everything that you have. While you’re comparing yourself to someone else, they may also be comparing themselves to you. Third, accept yourself as a remarkable and unique individual. Celebrate your body shape as it is; it’s beautiful. Make the best of everything you have.
The self-sabotaging test
If you have been reading this and thinking to yourself, ‘Oh dear, it sounds like me’ then take this little test to determine if you may self-sabotaging yourself more than you think.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do I tend to prioritize instant gratification?
- Do I avoid things that are a bit stressful or challenging?
- Do I do anything for myself for self-care?
- Do I procrastinate a lot?
- Am I very self-defeating in my thoughts?
Did you answer yes to more than half the questions? If so, you are allowing your self-sabotaging behavior to control your life and clouding your idea of who you are. Know that you deserve to be kinder to yourself. Would you say those negative thoughts about yourself to a good friend? If you did, how do you think it would make them feel?
It is time to focus on yourself
After reading this article, you might have concluded that you are self-sabotaging. The key is to learn how to accept and love yourself as you are. We are all unique! If you allow the positive self talk to trickle through, imagine what your life would be like! You would be more confident, more prosperous, and a happier person. Now that’s a way of life you can’t turn your back on, and it’s all within your grasp.
Hopefully, after reading this, when those doubts crop up, you will know how to flatten them!
I will leave you with some of my favorite positive affirmations:
YOU ARE WORTH IT
YOU ARE AMAZING
GO AND GET EM GIRL!