Choosing to start a new fitness program is cause for celebration. Just the opportunity to shop for new clothes and gear is fun, never mind all the great people you can meet in fitness programs. Then there are all positive changes to the way you look and feel. It’s an exciting journey right from the beginning.
But what happens if the most important person in your life doesn’t want to join you on your journey?
If you’re used to having your partner be your biggest fan, learning that they don’t have any enthusiasm for fitness can be discouraging. If they don’t make changes to accommodate your new lifestyle, it can be downright sabotaging. It’s hard to resist temptation when temptation is a bowl of potato chips sitting beside you on the couch.
What can you do if you’re trying to get fit, but your partner isn’t into it? I have a few suggestions to keep the peace while keeping your eye on your fitness goals.
State Your Case For Fitness
The first thing to do is explain why you have decided to start a new fitness plan. Your partner might be more enthusiastic if they understand your thinking.
If your doctor recommended changes for health reasons, you should be candid about that with your partner. Don’t hide real health concerns. If there are risks involved with not changing your diet or activity level, that’s important for your spouse to understand. Clarity about what your doctor prescribed will make it easier for everyone in your family to accept and encourage what you’re doing.
If you’re working toward a big goal, explain what it is and what you need to do to reach it. Maybe you’re always wanted to run a marathon, and this is going to be the year you finally do it. Tell your partner all about your dream and also show them the training program you plan to use. Mark your workout days on a shared calendar, so your partner knows when you’ll be off running. Explain any diet changes you make along the way and why they matter to you.
Even if your goal is as simple and looking and feeling better, don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you haven’t felt good up until now. You need to share why you’re making changes, even if it’s hard to talk about any negative feelings you’ve been having about your body before this.
What To Say….and What Not to Say
When you state your case about fitness, make sure to be mindful of your partner’s feelings about their own body. It’s one thing to be open and vulnerable about your own self-image. It’s another thing to inadvertently make someone you love feel bad with you.
By explaining all your goals, you can assure your partner that you’re doing this for your own reasons, not as a passive-aggressive way to shame them. Even if your partner could really benefit from a fitness program, shame and guilt aren’t good tactics for bringing them on board.
You’re better off talking about what you want to do and why you’re looking forward to it. Then invite your partner to join you. Even if they decline the offer to start getting up at the crack of dawn on weekends to do a long run, they might be willing to brainstorm ways they can be supportive.
If you plan to make changes to the way you eat, consult your spouse about how they want to handle that. This is vital if shared meals are an important part of your relationship. Unless you have strict orders from a doctor about your diet, food planning can be a collaborative process. Experimenting with new recipes together will be more appealing than sitting down to dinner and discovering a whole different menu than what they expected!
Serve as a Fitness Role Model
Modeling good habits seems like an obvious way to inspire loved ones to exercise. Research shows that spouses tend to mirror each other’s exercise habits over time. Your commitment to fitness could pay off with your partner joining in on your exercise routine.
However, be mindful of how far you take your job as a role model. You don’t want to become like one of those fitness over-sharers on social media. You know the type; people who talk so much about working out that they make you want to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream just to spite them.
Instead, start your new fitness routine openly but resist giving your partner the side-eye if they decide to stay at their desk instead of going to the gym. Let them know the offer to join you is always open but don’t add pressure.
You can also share your big successes and get them excited about the results. Maybe your new bench press record will get them curious enough to try weights, too. If your doctor is pleased with changes to your blood pressure, let your spouse know so they can see that exercise really works for health. A template of success might be the thing that makes your spouse see the value of fitness.
And never underestimate the effect of buying and wearing a sexy new dress to show your partner how exercise has sculpted your body. If you’ve got it, flaunt it!
Find Small Ways to Be Fit Together
Even if your spouse never agrees on side-by-side Peloton bikes at home, you can still exercise together. Dog owners already know that taking the pup out for a stroll is an excellent way to get active together. Step it up a little by suggesting a walk in a local park or a hiking trail. Make it more about spending time together than about getting your heart rates up.
Yardwork and home improvement projects are another way to get moving as a team. You can work up a sweat painting a room together and have the added benefit of enjoying the new decor right away. Gardening is an activity you can do together for many months of the year. Raking leaves and shoveling snow can take the place of mowing and pulling weeds in the cold months.
You can also suggest working on meal planning and cooking together. That way, there are no surprises at dinnertime. Trying out new foods is fun when everyone is expecting to do so. Make choosing a healthier diet a group project instead of imposing new eating rules on your partner when they don’t expect it.
Final Thoughts
You and your spouse may never be a couple who crosses a triathlon finish line together. However, you can still find ways to be supportive of one another’s fitness choices. Talk things through and explain what you’re feeling. Be honest about what you each want and need from diet and exercise and what you need in the way of support.
Like everything else in relationships, listening and communicating are the best ways to be there for each other. The time you spend talking about your health goals will be good for your relationship and good for your fitness journey as well.